honesty is not the best policy.
it just means that you're plain stupid.
and i am.
DAMN.

in case anyone still comes here:

i have long wanted to write this post and i've finally find the time to.
i guess the realisation that i'm leaving the orchestra after two and a half years has finally come upon me;
and the sadness has become like, part of me?
come to think of it this is never expected until now :x

the journey began when i just joined vj, and i could still remember myself going to the co booth during cca walkabout 3 years ago;
but that was simply because i saw yelin the senior from dunman and she happened to recognize me.
i was so hesitant about putting my name down then, and the conversation with her ended with quite some embarrassment coz if i'm not wrong i was asking her something like "i heard vjco quite slack one right" and her reply was a simple "slack then good mah" ...hmm. :x
and then during the welcome tea party i got to know jonathan from bernice, who signed up as well...and guess what,
all 3 of us actually performed for the chinese new year celebrations that year, with xiangle conducting come to think of it :)

but the interest broke off thereafter.
bernice quit and i was left with a group of seniors whom i don't dare to talk to -
i could still remember me going for a particular sectional practice alone and a whole stack of concert songs were just thrown to me
huiying quit as well and jonathan weren't there at that time;
and i nearly cried there coz there was really no one to talk to, (the two liuqin seniors were all males) and to make matters worse there's dazu after that (which was canceled AHAHA)

i then went on to an ambiguous stage where i myself wasn't sure if i'm still a member,
but i didn't turn up for a single practice after that,
and didn't even perform for vhapsody then.
i was in chem soc for some time and this ambiguous state lasted all the way till the 06 batch where annsiong took over.
and perhaps because of the lack of members, jonathan asked me if i want to join co again,
but i just kept hesitating and said i'll go the following week instead.
and then there came a point in time outside the music room with me and wuqiong and i think jonathan couldn't take it anymore and he said something like
"if you don't go in this time you will never go in next week"
it actually pushed me back to co again and surprisingly the practice then was quite enjoyable and revived some of my interest in co built during my 2 years in dunman
(jonathan thanked me after that btw, coz apparently he was the only liuqin at that time and according to him it was freaking boring playing alone after hongyi and sean stepped down)
but even so,
i was still very much unwilling then....i could still remember annsiong calling me during the december holidays for practices and i daringly said that i knew there was practice but i'm at home :x
i myself couldn't remember how i endured camp in the dec
but i do get to know people then, like jolie, daphane, stephanie, ruth the noble, and even tingkai who were telling ghost stories about chungcheng during barbecue night
(tenghui later told me that he was at the camp as well, but i only remembered a person always with tingkai then and i assume that's him? HAHA)

but all that changed when sihui told me on msn one day that rachel signed her up for co during cca walkabout;
and that she will turn up for welcome party the next day.
i wasn't really close to her at that time, just knowing that she's this enthu liuqin senior from dunman,
but it all changed after that.
i know it sounds mushy but she will always take care of me during practices,
she will be the one talking to me and get me closer to zhoumo, jieying, puiying, shipei, annsiong, yanling, rachel and others,
knowing that she will be there at practice encouraged me to go for practices, and even more, dinners and outings.
she is really the one who made me fall in love with co again and what's more,
the 4 of us, me jonathan sihui weeho got really close together
and no matter how tough training for syf was, we were always together and i could still remembered the time where the 4 of us met up one evening in the music room when official practice was canceled just to train on our small solo for chun, with joel playing the recording on the player
i myself talked to more people and opened up,
and it is perhaps why ip life was enjoyable for me.

syf came and i could still remember me sitting with sihui (and mr teo sitting next to us) in the front row waiting for the results..
and when we found out that we got gold it was silence though the whole orchestra...we were the only ones that stayed back during the dialogue session and people started crying.
it was really sad that moment it think, especially after all that we put in;
and confusion too, i could still remember our acting conductor then asking the judges questions and teerapong firing the judges too..
but afterall
even though we din do as well as we wanted during syf,
it was all worth it, the other orchestras (hwa chong!) were really strong and it was the friendship that we found that mattered.

practices were back to normal and the new exco took over,
with me going for the co dec camp for a second time.
that camp was actually more enjoyable, mainly because i was more comfortable now that i'm with all the seniors i know..
i was actually in the same camp group as fiona ruth the noble mingcong and ivan and i got to know people like amanda simin and rebecca
and it was then that prata gang was created,
we broke out of the camp on the second night to bedok to have prata,
with just me sihui weeho yanling jonathan jieying
and we sort of promised that we'll be back year after year :)

and then the important year came, where people my age (i did feel good being the youngest for like years LOLX) finally joined us and a new liuqin grouping was formed
sihui broke her leg and can't come for most of the practices and then concert too :( :( :(
and that was when i got to know jiayun better, being the 2 girls in liuqin and i think our character match :)
the first encounter with her was during the welcome party when either amanda or rebecca just come up to me and show me the liuqin girl who is known to be small
and yes i was quite shocked when i first saw her actually HAHA.

concert was a blast with me playing next to jiayun
and finally realising all the background work that is needed to make a concert successful
just consider the amount of paiwei practices we had!
we even practiced right before music fest :x
but it was all well spent coming up with a co family tree with me being the family pet lived through 3 generations LOLX :)

and then the decision came whether to run for exco
and i'm glad i did and was given the opportunity,
coz i really enjoyed working with the rest of the exco
and treasure the memories we created for each other.
it was how the cookie family was formed actually too,
with me knowing xx master/ cookie33 better
coz we four somehow were always doing co stuff together,
like teacher's day presents, farewell gift for ms meta, etc.

there was hongkong trip too,
where i really enjoyed with sihui around and knowing my own country better.
the most memorable thing was perhaps the 2 car accidents we had on two consecutive days,
and yes all the trilling rides in ocean park :) :) :)

there was also open house with ivan conducting,
plannings for the dec camp (which includes a nightwalk that's cancelled D: )
and getting cookie key chains with the cookie family :) :) :)
and yes make-over for co room!
it was such a huge project which took us trips down to ikea (hotdog buns!), 1 day to buy the stuff and taking the sofa from lydia (with tingkai's help) and another day from morning till night just decorating the room
it was really tiring scrubbing the floor getting rid of all the mouse shit and moving out the cupboards
rebecca me mingcong completely collapsed onto the sofas with the new fan blowing while waiting for lijun and weiliang to buy more of the floorings back man :')
but all was worth it coz it was totally different from before;
and i completed something i wrote on the exco application form :) :) :)
we even celebrated cookie21's first birthday there :)
there were all the national competitions we watched together too and all the experience gained through it

dec was also when jiayun and jonathan finally returned from malaysia and laos respectively and learning xingyun together
and me stupidly went over to zhongruan to try playing it having learnt xingyun on liuqin when they were away.....(i even solo-ed the entire xingyun with guolaoshi around once)
and i got swapped by rebecca totally after that :(
i wouldn't say it's a mistake but i sometimes do secretly regret that i did that :(

entering 2009 we have a new mission of the syf and concert to plan on our own
i really think we deserve better this time round,
coz we did really alot more than 2 years ago,
with us watching the clouds at the grand stand,
practising bar 125 like mad till blisters burst and it starts bleeding (not that serious but it did happen before)
changing the seating arrangements,
eating banmian till i got so scared whenever i hear the word "roxy square"
me missing so many tuition lessons that the teacher called me due to the late night practices,
singing the victorian anthem
the screw-up during rehearsal and reflection session after that,
and then the comeback on stage on the actual day -
i inititally did feel insecure about guolaoshi not conducting us for syf
but xiangle really did alot more than what a conductor should,
maybe coz he was a student himself,
he really made us feel at ease with him around
and inspired us lots with all the things he said as we can relate to them better;
i mean you can't find a conductor anywhere even writing handouts of things to take note for players,
and to me, he is truly the best conductor i've ever met.

there was concert after that too,
even though i was stressed to the max at some point
having to skip all match support,
prac even on the precious full day
and us not playing well even on the actual day :(
i really did enjoyed myself, on stage performing perhaps for the very last time
playing xingyun really revived many fond memories of us together as an orchestra

the entire co journey really made me realise what it means to be enjoying music and playing it with feelings
i was touched for the very first time after the last note rang on stage during syf
nervousness was no longer in my mind knowing that all my friends are just beside me,
and i literally saw images of us working hard throughout the songs whenever on stage
now come to think of it, i've really come so far.
two and a half years.

people always say that it is fate that bind strangers together
and it's true,
if not for jonathan chasing me to go for prac,
if not for sihui joining co and bringing me closer to co,
if not for xx for helping me enjoy exco meetings,
if not for the entire orchestra,
there will not be me.
me learning about music
learning about friendship
learning about responsibility
and me as a changed person.
the journey has truly mattered to me.

i could still remember sihui messaging me on the very first wednesday after she stepped down -
she said she missed having to climb 3 floors up the music room for practices,
and i think i've finally understood what she meant.
coz i'm feeling that emptiness right now too.

jiayun's composition and i do want to sleep now >.<
much was done over the past few days;
co training "camp" prep and the "camp" itself,
ms meta's farewell,
prata gang reunion,
research and more research,
and yes v14 outing :)

i <3 you master! HAHA :D
Oh and i finally saw the legandary __ in person!
LOLX. not to my expectations, really :x

Prata gang reunited after a year! :)
i really hope this can continue on and on! :D

v14 gathering was good mainly coz of mahjong!
and zoe was really cute even when i'm like kind of scared
sorry i'm like afraid of anything that moves :x


everything is more or less over,
just research left now. D:
sch's coming back soon too, and i'm dreading it. ): ): ):


p.s. anw sihui and joel made me so jealous when they told me abt fahrenheit's stayed in the hotel they're attached to.
argh. how i wish i could see them in person D:
and i'm feeling really guilty now that i ponned my maths lesson for the class gathering :(
:( :(

we saw cool art pieces at citylink and a group playing saxophone at the esplanade concourse.
i really like the explanatory notes of the art piece.
and apparently the group's called "PhilSax" but google doesn't offer any pictures D:

lots to do. T-T